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  • Writer's pictureSamantha Rosenfeld

A few [personal] thoughts from 2019.

Updated: Aug 31, 2020

2019 was a wonderfully terrifying year.

I say that while completely understanding that 2020 is going to be even more to handle than any year before. I received a lot of things I did and did not want in 2019 - the main ones being:

I got engaged!

I rehomed a valuable member of our family.

I became an aunt for the first time!

I quit corporate & started my own business.

All of these things pushed me in new, uncomfortable ways. I have gone back and forth between "My life is awesome!" and "Please don't make me get out of bed..."

I've seen what makes a difference in my life (organization, healthy choices, open communication) and what traps I am still learning to avoid (social are the bane of my personal & professional existence).

I invested in people this year - more than I ever have before. I got better at remembering peoples' names. I learned how to be the bigger person when it wasn't fair. I tried new foods and actually liked them.

But with the good comes the bad.

Anxiety. Imposter syndrome. Envy. Grief. Unhealthy food habits. Depression.

This is the delicate balance of "having it all". From the outside, I look like I have the most delightful life - and indeed, I do. I am thankful for every moment I've had on this earth. And yet I am still haunted by the very things I pretend can't exist in my "perfect" world.

My goals for the upcoming year all center around one thing: sustainability.

How do I create a life that is sustainable for all ages & experiences to come? How do I handle my insecurities with my successes? How do I set boundaries that allow me to fully live but also keep me safe? How do I keep my promises but not break in the meantime?

I don't have the answers - and when the clock strikes 12 am on Wednesday morning, I'm not going to magically become a better person with less to worry about. (Actually, by the time I officially return to my desk on the 2nd, I'm going to have far too many emails to get through to be much of a person at all!)

But I am going to be more gracious with myself. I'm going to be honest with my fears. I am going to ask for help before it's too late. I am going to discover who I am comfortable being in 2020, and then ask "How can I make this last a lifetime?"

What's your main goal for next year? Comment below & let me know how we can encourage each other to keep going when June of 2020 hits and we've forgotten where we were going in the first place!

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